I can't get away from familiar faces. The sense of disappointed is always peeking through the windows of the world. Sad how the idea of it all never accept me much, yet i never give up.
Spontaneity lacks me nowadays. Gotta get my wheels greased and some of my screws a little tightened, i've been too long out of the scene. Still, the cognizance of existence is never obtained.

What is one expected to say to someone who spent all that time and effort to do something special? something nice probably- if you wanted to be cruel, be cruel to me, if you are to be nice... mean it. done and over with.... the end.

People change, usually to benefit themselves. After some time off from the headaches, some will realize many things... They will learn to live without the headaches, some will learn to compromise with the headaches, and others will simply just ignore the fact that the headaches ever existed in their lives. Why mind yourself with little matters when you have more important things to think about? Because in an unusual yet splendid way, its worth all the trouble in the end. Why do you train a puppy and go through the trouble to tame it? Why try to perfect a recipe? Why spend time to learn new skills? Why bother trying to find a significant other?

i am blinded. i can't read between the lines... my heart tells me differently than what the words really mean... An image that inhabits in my mind placed there by an invisible weight, an image of constant disappointment, of constant pain, possibly anger.

forget.....
forgotten...
only an illusion... only a dream... a good dream... now a mere nightmare... forget...
forgotten...
YOU are forgotten... until we meet again... time is of an essence... dun take it for granted...because now you do...

dream a little miracle... hope for a better tomorrow... For once i want some good news for us... *sigh*... forgetting... forgotten
-In the end, theres only me... nothing can satisfy me better than myself.

song of the day "i will ?remember? you" sarah mclachlan. when i remember you, i see the man i first met, but he is not there anymore...
"I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose."

Everything that happened, Everything that is, Everything that will be,- I brought it on my myself because i'm half stubborn and tried to avoid obligations. I learned the very hard way and i can't turn back because the world does not change just for one, because the world is a solid place made up of regulations, laws, and rules that does not benefit all, only some, and at times made it more difficult for others. The only response that you'll get is "Deal with it" because unless you escape the so-called "The Real World", you cant change that..... Just deal with it.

What happens to those who can't deal with "The Real World"? Where do they belong? where do they go to escape? And are they happier at the place they found?

How do u describe the feeling of uncertainty?....

Its not quite of an aching or an itch...

How do you describe the feeling of fears in your heart?

Its not quite of a sore or pinch...

But these feelings brings much tears to one's eyes... How do describe those tears?

They are the fears in your heart and the uncertainty in the back of ur mind...

Have you ever felt that sqeeze in your chest?

What lies beneath a smile?... A sense of approval, understanding, devotion, reassurance, encouragement, appreciation, admiration, acceptance, validation...and when all that amalgamates into one, the result is pure happiness...
It gave a sensational tingling down my spine and a sudden warmth in my heart that gave my heart a more cogent purpose to keep beating.
-Oh, i do love him so.....

Imagine it snows during the summertime when its hot outside. There wouldn't be just two colors of white and brown in the scenary but there would also be multiples of red, blue and yellow from the summertime flowers and many shades of green from the tree tops and bushes. These colors would reflect and make the most beautiful blend against the white. Sunset would be almost blinding. The sunlight would reflect off the whiteness of the snow with a tint of purple and orange from the sky. The weather today was surprisingly beautiful. After couple days of being snowed in, it was worth it in the end. It was near sixty degress and the sun shined brightly on the snow mountains that was piled up by the plows.

A tortuous quest for an answer;
for every day is discomfiture.
the misconceptions perpetuate
the myth of me as the source of depravity
why I respond with sufficient passion?
the rendition to my conscience
persuades me.
My longing to be amaranthine,
the thought seeps through years of dulled consciousness;
layers of denial restrain me.
My mind, so insuppressible,
leads me on with fraudulency.
Why, I ask why?
The inquisition occupies my mind-
like the raven that compels him mad.