It would be nice to see that smiling face. The one that comes with someone that loves me. I haven't seen too many lately. I remember every last one. It's like I catalog them in my head. The look before they go away. The last time I saw each of them sleeping in my bed. I knew each time, strange isn't it. Should I have taken a picture, put it in a scrapbook of the dearly departed. Each gone, flying underneath the radar. They have become strangers somehow. I hold those things sexual and intimate close to my heart. They mean the world to me. It's how you hook me in. Unless I separate myself from it emotionally and just do it for the enjoyment of making another feel that good. It's not about me, it's not even about the moment. It's about them. But let me not go any further into that. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm begining to dislike this want, this need for physical contact. It just complicates things too much. I've slept alone for many nights, never missing anything but sleep and the thought of how nice it would be to have the warmth of someone I love there with me. It's not just sharing a bed, it's sharing heat, and breathe and sometimes even a soft pillow. You never find true comfort but by exploring every inch of the bed. I have always found the side closest to the floor where I end up.So I will wake in the morning with new goals and sunshine on my face. Count us all into another day of sweat and extreme heat. I'm going to fall aslleep under the nearest shade tree and let the day happen like it should. I'll wake hours later with sweat covered brow and face reddened by this mad sun. I will look forward to the moon and all her glory. She smiles down on me in the deep darkness of the last hours. She will bring her star filled blanket and keep us safe. Night time, when most of the world remains up. Insomnia is the disesase that makes most of these kids act the way they do.. They have a lot of things going on after dark. It' s those damn emo kids. Yeah they look all the same so hurd them into a field somewhere and sooner or later they will find there way home. Having a good time in the process. Then we have some of them good old boys. The one's that drive around in big trucks, they know way to much about the guys that drive in nascar. These guys love to hunt. Mainly it's a contest to see who can shoot the biggest one. Sounds more like a dick measuring contest then anything. Think about it. It makes sense. Where is the middle ground? That momemt when you can't shake it anymore...what has come before is bullshit, not the way to go, as we pass a caution sign. We have to go, I think not. There is time for them to see, to apologize for their actions. It's something that they will learn along the way. We will give them those things that they need, just to get them in and out as soon as possible. I realize just how beautiful you are again and I lose all bearing on where this is going. It would come down to me saying that I''d rather stay at home. I will go to closest supply store and grab all the things needed. I have one request when all this crudeness is done.. that you lie down beside me once more. And remember when we thought the world was ours for the taking.