We all know that opposition to immigration has little to do with the “illegals”, for if that were so we would solve that problem by simply changing the law to legalize our new neighbors. Rather, I have come to the conclusion that the problem comes from the inability of immigrants to fit in to American society, to become part of the herd, if you will. This comes from a basic misunderstanding of American culture. Therefore, I offer this helpful primer to our new Hispanic neighbors on how to fit into modern American society.

Work Ethic.

“Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane. No! It’s 287(g) Man!”
Yes, 287(g) Man! Believed by most to be mild mannered lawman, Officer Al A. Mance, Officer Mance is actually that hero of the helpless and scourge of traffic fiends everywhere, 287(g) Man!
Cruising high above the skies of Wonderbread County, 287(g) Man’s radar spots another dastardly criminal about to make an unsanctioned U-turn.
“Looks like trouble!” he says to his sidekick Count. E. Commission.
“Oh, no! What shall we do?” cries the Count.
“Never fear, little guy! I shall swoop down and nab that ne’er do well in the act!”
A mighty roar fills the sky as 287(g) Man descends upon the menace to civilization.

And the Lord moved among the people, healing their ills and casting out demons.
“Let the sick and the despised come unto me” sayeth the Lord, “For God loves all,and all are my children.”
And on the edge of the crowd stood the wise St. Odious, who saw the folly of the Lord’s words.
“I must protect the Lord from his folly.” Said St. Odious. “Therefore, I shall move among the crowd and findeth those whom the wise among the bureaucrats have not blessed with the holy documents that bear the seal of Caesar. Those I shall smack mightily upon the head and drag away before the Lord angers the Romans by treating their ills against the will of Caesar.”
It was then that St. Odious looked up and saw a blind man being led by his friends.